So, here it is, I’m going to say it- “I have an issue with self-care”. I can hear your collective gasps “but you’re a therapist, you promote self-care as part of that don’t you?”. And let me answer “yes I do promote self-care, absolutely, I do!”.
Let me explain, I don’t have an issue with the idea of self-care. My issue is more around what we are sold about what self-care should look like. I was reading an article recently about this very topic and the picture (which is what landed with me first) was a lady in a bath with lots of bubbles, serene looking plants and lots of expensive lotions and potions! I mean, really? Other images included, spa treatments (£££), people alone in a log cabin with a wood burner and countryside stretching for miles (as I type, I have 2 cats climbing over me to be fed, 2 kids I’m wondering about in terms of dinner and the type of day they’ve had at school). The other end of the spectrum we are sold images of wine glasses labelled self-care. Now don’t get me wrong, I am partial to a glass of wine but for me not for self-care. Self-care for me means benefit, healthy, adding something to my life or allowing space for what’s already there.
There, I feel better having clarified that (and I hope your gasps are now softened a little into a collective understanding nod!). I think my issue alongside the issue of being sold these expensive images is that actually I don’t want to be told what to do in terms of my self-care.
I am posting this month’s blog whilst lying on a beach or by a pool and most likely with something cool in hand- now, that’s my idea of self-care. Our yearly holiday gives me space to set aside worries about dinner and whether the kids have had a good day, It allows me to recharge so I can give my all to the family and jobs that I love
So, what is self-care?
My answer? Well, it’s whatever brings you space to breath, whatever brings you joy, whatever allows you to reset so that you can ‘go again’
Wow- short blog this month!
Let’s expand just a little…
Under the ethical framework within which I work, there is a commitment to my own self-care so that I can sit alongside you in the therapeutic journey (‘We will take responsibility for our own wellbeing as essential to sustaining good practice with our clients’). This means that my own life and any issues there are taken care of don’t find their way into our session- I can hold space for you and what you are bringing. Having the ability to do this and ensuring that I have enough resource to do it, ultimately means I can sit alongside you with authenticity, honesty, realism and energy.
So, I do embody the idea of self-care and try hard to ensure it, most especially when life gets hectic. The more life gets overwhelming, the more tempted I am to ‘do more’, ‘control more’ so that I feel like I have agency over the overwhelm. The reality is that it’s never like that, the more hectic and overwhelming, the more I have to take care of myself to avoid succumbing to that overwhelm and ultimately burning out.
So in reality- what I am talking about above is embodying the value of making sure that I take responsibility for being physically healthy (I’ll never run a session if I feel that I am too ill to give you my best, I also try to move my body in small ways between sessions), emotionally healthy (I employ various ways of maintaining my own emotional health- I have therapy myself, I employ my own versions of self-care and I seek supervision for my client work). Elements I work into my day to cater for both- I schedule breaks, I eat small and often and I try to maintain a good sleep schedule.
So, I am going to invite you to consider what self-care is for you in the context we have been talking about:
whatever brings you space to breath, whatever brings you joy, whatever allows you to reset so that you can ‘go again’ (as suggested above)
And that, my friends, is what I feel self-care can offer you and whatever that looks like- and that is ok.