Barriers to counselling
So, you find me in a small puddle of melted human- Its 34 degrees and I am not built for the heat. My clothes are sticking too me and my glasses are sliding down my nose! Now, which freezer drawer did I put those ice lollies in?!! (a better question is probably- have the kids eaten their way through them yet?!?)
Anyway, not the point! My blog post this moth was going to be something else and then I realised that this unprecedented heatwave that has just happened upon has caused a significant barrier to the counselling process. I have had 8 people reschedule appointments (in the hopes that it is cooler next week) and I have rescheduled a few too as the room I am in is in direct sunlight in the afternoons. My concern here is one of safety- sticking with government guidelines of only travelling when necessary and most certainly not in the hottest part of the day; avoiding things like sun stroke, heatstroke and dehydration. However, my worries also centre around the ability of both of us (you and me) to be able to attend to, concentrate on and put energy into the counselling process. Ever wonder why you feel drained after counselling? Its because that is a process that requires energy; mostly emotional but sometimes physical too.
And so, this week has made me consider the other barriers that might exist both in an established counselling relationship but also maybe barriers to starting counselling in the first place.
Barriers to people accessing counselling:
Finance- in the current climate (no pun intended in this heat)- the concerns around finance for all of us are very real. From the sessions themselves to the travel to and from sessions and the perceived ideas around self-care (see separate blogpost on that one!). I attend my own therapy (yes, most therapists will be having their own therapy!) and I have reframed it to view it as a gift to myself, a little bit like getting my hair done or attending a class or a hobby. To me it is an essential part of my wellbeing and I do everything in my power to be able to attend. In terms of the therapy I provide, I have made it as affordable as I can and have affordable options for people who are students or unwaged. When my business is further built, I aim to be able to fund a small number of free spaces for people for whom counselling is simply unobtainable.
Fear- some people have a fear of beginning therapy, even when they know it might be needed. This could be fear of the unknown (or even sharing what is known), fear of change or fear of awkwardness. Counselling is a process that requires vulnerability and being able to sit with discomfort. I will respect that throughout and aim to put you at your ease before sessions start by having a free of charge initial session so that we can get to know whether we are the right fit as counsellor and client. Often, the idea of talking about deeply personal issues can feel scary, we get caught up with the idea of ‘not airing our dirty washing’ but nothing can be further from the truth- counsellors are trained to provide a safe and supportive base, an objective view point, a neutral perspective and this might be just what is needed.
My website is built so that you know all about the kind of therapy on offer and as much about the process and myself as possible before you start. You will need to be vulnerable; you will need to sit in some discomfort but we’ll do it together in a safe and supported way and at the right speed for you.
Cultural, family and society norms- there are many factors outside the therapy session which may stop people accessing counselling or even actively discouraging people from seeking help. Many cultures encourage coping and keeping things inside the family meaning that even considering the idea of therapy can be not even in a person’s awareness that it might be helpful. Within society it is considered the norm for women to talk and for men to hold things in. Even if this is so, it doesn’t make it ok. Some families hold with the idea that big boys don’t cry or that women have to be strong and make everyone else feel better. Be aware that your friends and family may not support your desire to seek therapy. We can’t change the fact that these are the things that we have grown up with or these are the thoughts of others but we can make adjustments and make steps for positive change.
Some of the work I do uses creativity, it means that we can do something with our hand’s whist talking or we can use metaphor so we don’t always need to bring it back to the self directly. We can carry out our therapy outdoors walking in some of the beautiful nature on our door step or we can grab a bench somewhere if that suits you better.
Stigma around mental health and seeking help- there is still a stigma around seeking help for our mental health although I feel there is a subtle change happening. If you can go to the doctor for a broken leg, a sore stomach or just not feeling right then it follows that you can see a trained mental health professional for issues around the mind and the thinking.
I shout out that I am a counsellor and that I have my own counselling from the roof tops with a view to challenging the idea that seeking help for mental health is wrong, weak, or a sign that life is crumbling. Many people seek to use therapy to work through life issues so that they can move forward in a more positive way, some people choose to maintain their new found changes whilst some come feeling broken and want repair and change. Therapy can be what you need, when you need it.
Barriers that can exist once counselling has begun:
Weather- This one wouldn’t normally be on here but given that is the thing that prompted this blog I felt that it should. Extremes of any weather give rise to concerns. It is my responsibility, as we say in the contract, to keep you safe whilst still allowing for your autonomy. There will always be an option for changes to sessions in extreme conditions and I will judge depending on weather warnings and other factors, whether it is safe for myself to travel in and would always encourage you to do the same. Online and telephone options will always be offered in this instance. Last minute rescheduling is covered within the working contract we have together and incur a charge (unless there is extenuating circumstances)
Emotional state- There are times within the journey where emotions are heightened as the session draws closer. The process of sitting with discomfort is something that people often don’t like to do. It is so important that we learn to do this throughout the journey; sitting with discomfort and really feeling the feelings is a more authentic way of bringing ourselves to the life we lead. As a society we don’t like to sit with discomfort which I why you may find that those around you wish to ‘make you feel better’, when actually what you might need is a space to be sad or angry or to express suicidal feelings of feelings of grief, for example. Counselling is not about making you feel better, rather sitting alongside you as you explore them and attempt to find ways of helping yourself feel better. Ay of getting used to feeling the feelings and knowing how why they have arisen and how we might be able to sit in them and work through them. In terms of feeling a mounting feeling of trepidation, this is a normal part of the process but we will always aim to restore you after each session if that is what is needed.
Communication barrier- there are going to be differences in the language we use- slang, familial words used for different things or technical language based on the context of your life (for example, medical terminology if you’re a doctor). It might come across as nosy but I will always ask if I am unsure of anything, this is so I can truly understand you and get as close to your experience as possible.
In terms of a different language entirely. I don’t work with interpreters but I will always try and work with you to find somewhere that is able to work with you, with someone of your own language to give you the best experience of counselling that I can.
Boundaries- There are boundaries in place in our counselling relationship so that you feel safe and secure. From my side this might look like: confidentiality, time, my limits of ability, my limits of being contacted outside sessions and methods for that. From your side, this could look like: your ability to commit, your desire to change or the lack of support from others. Boundaries are necessary to protect us within the relationship we have. However, they can be perceived as barriers by some (for example, a client wanting to extend the virtual hand of a social media friendship). I will not accept social media friendships as it is too close to my personal life and it can be traced and linked which is unsafe for us both- you might find out something about me which doesn’t align with your values and might have the potential to invalidate the relationship between us. In accepting that hypothetical social media friendship, I might find out something about you and your wider life which could impact the context of what you are telling me. Neither of us can 'unknow' these things.
It is my aim to try and get to a place where the benefits of counselling outweigh the impact of the barriers for you but. For some though, they might not be in the right place for counselling, the impact of the barriers might be too much at the current time. Wherever you find yourself on that sliding scale, that’s ok! Your Space Counselling Swansea will be around for you whenever you need and if were not the right fit, I’ll try and help you find something that is.
Stay safe in the heat and stay hydrate- I’m off to find those lollies!
Em x