What is Therapy?
Therapy looks different for everyone; it looks different for each person at different times in their lives. No matter the type of therapy you opt for there are some commonalities in what it could offer you
A safe space
Therapy is a safe and secure space to investigate and explore what is present for you. More than that, therapy can be a space to talk about those things that might be difficult to share with others. You can say what you really think and not filter that or not say what you think others might want to hear. That safety isn’t just emotional—it’s the nature of the sessions themselves. You don’t need to be a certain way, other than what you are or want to be. You won’t be expected to have all the answers (or even any of them); there is no need to find a solution. You’re allowed to take space and time, express what needs expressing, and know you can leave it safely in the session to return to.
One and done? It can be but it’s likely to be more.
Once you commit to therapy, build the relationship with a therapist and start to see results, you will see that it can’t happen overnight and there’s no quick fix often. Progress can be slow to see and can be tiny changes over the course of time. There might be a few steps forward and some back. You might have a session where you get a light bulb moment- but a lot of what grows and changes happens in between times when you have more time to reflect and process. Consistency and continuity matter. committing, even on the weeks you might not benefit, builds trust and an energy that leads to lasting change.
No orders or instructions here.
Most therapists aren’t going to give advice. Therapy isn’t someone telling you what to do. I certainly don’t do either of those things. Their job is to help you get clearer on what you want, and why. They may challenge your patterns or offer perspective, but they won’t give you a step-by-step manual. If you’re expecting a therapist to fix your life for you, you might walk away disappointed. Personally, I hold the opinion that each individual is the expert in themselves and holds the key to any changes that need they need if, at the point of entering therapy, they don’t see it in that way.
No judgement either!
Therapy isn’t a place for judgement. You should never feel like your therapist is judging you. The training that we have experienced allows us to hold space for whatever you need to bring (and I mean whatever you need to bring). Let’s hold it together and explore it so that you can view it from a neutral perspective. You might have hidden something for years, believing that you could never share it, therapy can be that opportunity. I know it sounds easy just written like that and it will be scary the first time you do it but once it is out there, it can start to be processed and the healing can start.
Are you feeling stuck?- Let’s think about that.
Therapy can be about understanding the patterns that you are currently using and the interaction between that and other people’s patterns. It helps you notice what you keep doing without meaning to. Whether it’s people-pleasing, shutting down in conflict, or feeling guilty when you rest, therapy can allow you to recognise those. That awareness is powerful. Once you aware of your actions and why they exist, you can start to change this. You can make choices that match with the person you want to be and not fall in to the ‘but this is how I’ve always done it’. Is it easy? No- but that is part of the next section!
I want you to feel safe and secure in our sessions, but you won’t always feel comfortable (it’s a good thing, honest!)
Therapy isn’t a chat with a friend. Your friends might tell you what you want to hear, they might agree with all the actions that you have taken. Therapy is not always that comfortable. You might become aware of things about yourself you’ve been avoiding for years. The exploration might turn towards things you don’t want to acknowledge. Of course, discomfort isn’t the enemy. Discomfort is where the growth and healing can come. In therapy we don’t avoid hard moments; we move through them with more honesty and support than you’ve had before and allow for you to become aware of this in order to make the changes you desire.
Its not just ‘tell me about your childhood’
Sometimes you will want to stick to the here and now, and that’s ok. Therapy isn’t just talking about your childhood. Of course, your past comes up because it’s a part of the rich tapestry that is life. However, you can choose if you’d rather not ‘go there’ at the current time.
If however, you feel that it is something you want to factor in then your past then therapy can be about figuring out how your past informs your patterns in the present. By exploring things like emotional responses, patterns or triggers, can help you to understand what’s going on right now. In knowing this within ourselves, we can acknowledge what used to be the case for us and change that in the present if we think we need to.
Therapy incorporates us both
Therapy is a relational. You and your therapist build a relationship together over the time that you attend. Within this trust is established and built session by session. The more engaged and honest you are, the more the trust grows and more helpful work becomes for you.
It can take a while to open up and that’s ok. While the work is taking place, we might notice together that we are filling a gap that has been part of our other relationships. Sometimes, we find that the therapeutic relationship mimics other relationships in our lives and this can offer us a different perspective too.
Therapy for all
Therapy isn’t just for people in mental health crisis or people with mental ill health. You don’t have to be ‘failing’ or ‘crumbing’ to start in therapy. Waiting until everything is falling apart to seek help and support is of course fine but it doesn’t have to be the case. Therapy can be used for maintenance of emotional and mental wellbeing; a bit like doing the gardening- we can get in when its overgrown and having an effect on other areas but if we can do a little bit every so often after that we can keep on top of it.
In my experience, great work can happen in therapy when things are relatively stable in life because you’ve got the capacity to explore without feeling like you’re drowning in it. It can offer clarity and the ability to step back.
We often filter, wear different ‘hats’ or put on a ‘show’.
Let your mask slip- see how it goes
Therapy can be a place to see how it feels to be the ‘real you’. We all have different hats we wear in day to day life and we might all end up performing in some ways. In therapy, the masks can come off—or at least you can allow it to slip if you want to. You are safe to show your vulnerabilities. This can feel unfamiliar, scary even; especially snice most of us keep this hidden most of the time. As you practice this more, it can allow for real deep connection with others but also with yourself.
Use others for venting- use a therapist for the deeper stuff
Therapy isn’t the same as venting, debriefing or ‘putting the world to rights’. Often, we might start with the things that have affected us during the week, but therapy isn’t just about offloading your frustrations. Of course, a good therapist will listen but they’ll also you move toward some awareness and insight; perhaps helping you notice similarities or noticing what your body is saying in addition to your voice. Your therapist should be able to hold this space and help you achieve more depth than a simple ‘vent’ to a friend or colleague might.
Therapy can be your gift to yourself
Some people consider the seeking of therapy to be weak. This might come from cultural and social stereotypes; it might come from beliefs that we should keep our concerns and troubles hidden. I would ask who those opinions are serving- are they more about keeping other people happy or comfortable? In my opinion, therapy is about putting yourself up the pecking order and allowing yourself to spend time and effort into understanding your inner world. It is the establishing of the foundations so you can build yourself and your future. Be proud of that! Its about investing in yourself, even when it feels hard or slow, or like progress isn’t happening. Therapy is cumulative, it builds over time.
Therapy can be about finding yourself, your place in the world
and your own voice
Therapy can be about finding out who you truly are, finding your own voice and its place in your life. In attending therapy, you won’t find a ‘new you’—you might remember who you are without the constant rigors of life, the demands placed on you, the general noise and busyness of life. It can be through thinking and exploring your values, beliefs and what matters to you not what you might have been told ‘should’ be the case. Moving towards a more honest and authentic way of being can allow you to start making the decisions that feel more aligned to your vales and you can begin to boundary your wellbeing. Life can become less about the ‘shoulds’ and more about choosing what feels right for you in the context of who you are.
How long you decide you need is up to you
Many people only come for a short run of sessions, others for longer times and some return after a long gap, attending when things are getting tough or significant life events take hold. Therapy can be for learning and choose tools for the toolbox of life, increase insight in the way you bring yourself to the world and to others or for maintaining of optimal wellbeing. My primary concern is that you feel seen, heard and understood- if that’s the case and you have met the goals that you started with then you have done the work you have needed to do. It doesn’t need to forever ongoing, as long as it has served its purpose for you. With Your Space Counselling, I’m not going to move you on after 6 weeks, I’m not going to make you come for 12. We will check in regularly so you can see what you’ve achieved and also what is still there to process.